Emo-ing

recently there sumthing good happen,
but also something bad~~

something that cannot recover by the happiness from the good thing

emo, is the only word can describe how i feel~~

when i m in kindergarden
i got 56 in my exam
so do my sister
i dunno what is that 56 represent
so i had my happily ever after childhood

when i m in my standard 1
i study in the last class
i told myself,
it's okay, they didn't arrange the class according to the reputation

the second year i went into the forth class
and i start to realise how 56 ad 99 affect my life

the third year i manage to study at second class
but,
it is not enough for me
i fight for it
just because i want to be in the fisrt class
eventually i get third place in my standard five
and i successfully get into first class (the so-class brilliant class)
in addition,i get a quite good result in my UPSR

in secondary,
i am still in the second class...
but now i didn't want to fight to be in the first class
with those competitive, crazy, fake  people
i wouldn't have my happy life of high school
so....i just try my best

but
how i define my best?

my best= the last minute work~>and i get to have my second place when i m in my fifth year of high school....

the last year~i screw up
my UEC, and also my life


eventually, i came to this extremely lifeless and boring place....

but life does not get any easier
because i am a university student
i had to study for every test~~~

not like my high school.....i can watch the tv day before a test

and today
i had a test~~

the result is i screw up again~~
now i know how the 59 affect my life


59 indicate i juz pass my exam
59 indicate ill be juz fail if i make more mistake
59 indicate i cannot get my 4.0 CPGA when i graduate
59 indicate i m stupid

i can sure that many people thought that i am confidence in my test
but the truth is no
i m not

i juzt act like i m confidence
this is juz one of my image maintainence
where now i use to it

why don't i act confidence eventhought i dunno how to do the question?
this is what i told myself everyday deep in my heart...
this is the main reason i pack up myself.....

because i noe i m dead


the main point of this post is




I SCREWED UP MY TEST
AND I HOPE I DON'T SCREWED UP MY LIFE~~